I Was Totally a Romanian Olympic Gold Medalist as a Kid

One of my favorite movies as a little girl was Nadia.  A made-for-TV-movie (as most of my favorites are, hello Lifetime!) about the life of the legendary gymnast Nadia Comaneci.  Oh, I wore out the tape on that VHS. 

<side note: for all you millennials, a VHS is a Video Home System, created by JVC.  VHS is the type of media that preceded DVD’s and Digital shit.  You don’t know the exquisite pain of waiting for a two hour movie to rewind on a VHS cassette rewinder shaped as a car that your parents bought because they didn’t want you using the VCR to rewind whole movies because you might BREAK THE MACHINE JENN!  WE’RE NOT MADE OF MONEY!!  USE THE CAR CASSETTE REWINDER! Sorry…small tangent…moving on>

Anyways..that movie was the movie that I watched incessantly.  I would pretend, quite often, that I was Ms. Comaneci on the balance beam, or the uneven bars, but usually the balance beam, because, do you have any idea how hard it is to pretend to have a set of uneven bars in your living room?  Yeah, it’s pretty tough.  And you fall a lot.  And you injure yourself quite a bit.  But that is neither here nor there...again, moving on.

I remember one occasion in particular when my family and I were on our annual summer vacation to Hawaii.  Stop the whining right now, that is the one thing my parents splurged on.  And it wasn’t even a splurge…my Mom worked in the airline industry and we flew stand-by.  Anyways, we were staying at the Royal Hawaiian hotel and I wanted, nay, needed to practice my “routine” in the pool.  My Mother, God bless her, was probably knocking back a few pina coladas, oh who am I kidding, she was napping.  The kids were entertaining themselves and she needed her beauty sleep.

So there I was, straddling the rope and buoy divider in the tiny circular pool, attempting the start of Nadia’s 1980 Olympic championship balance beam routine.  Picture it, a little girl, with massive orange arm floaties, pretending she is a Romanian gymnast, and most likely talking to herself and giggling. #psycho

Mom was probably sitting there going, What in the hell is she doing?  Hopefully she was just napping, blissfully unaware of her child's flights with lunacy.

My god I can still hear the song…

And above all else <here comes another rant> can anyone explain to me WHY the majority of the cast of Romanians speak perfect English without a hint of an eastern European accent? Even the beloved young Nadia and her Father have stereotypical Brooklyn,New York accents. God damn  American motion picture company.  #murica #whitepeople

Grease Up - It's Time To Play Taboo

Wow...did I ever find my game of games while spending the holidays with the in-laws.  I always thought I was a bomb-ass Pictionary aficionado, but lo' and behold as it turns out, I'm an even better participant in the game of Taboo.

For any of you who have been living in cave with their fingers in their ears since 1989, Taboo is a game of words.  You see, there is this word on the card that you must get your partner to say without uttering any of the....fuck this, am I really explaining Taboo?

Google that shit. Moving on..



As it turns out, my Bro-in-law and I are the perfect team.  I mean, insanely good.  I mean, on one play, all I had to say to him was "I drink a lot of this" and before I could even get the word "this" out, he blurted "champagne!"

We went on to win by such a large margin that the ol' ball-and-chain relegated to surreptitious tactics to try and overthrow our omnipotence.

If it seems as though I'm bragging, I AM.  Our teamwork was not unlike that scene in Four Christmases <below> with the one strong exception....I am not, nor ever will be, married or romantically linked to my brother-in-law.

This ain't a Levirate marriage, y'all.  But we mopped up at that game.  #taboo4lyph

You Could Categorize Me as Competitive

Unbeknownst to most people in the world, I am quite the competitive little shit.


I'll wait while you stop laughing.

Truth be told, I am one of those assholes that is ridiculously competitive with board games.  Many a times in days gone by, have I threatened divorce when the ol' ball and chain bought four, FOUR, hotels on Boardwalk and Park Avenue, and my little thimble landed on one of his Trump-Like properties.

I may have, one time, stood up, grabbed the board game, money and all, and threw it to the other side of the room in anger.  I don't loose graciously, I just don't.  Look, it's my only flaw, and it's a bad one I get that.  

With that in mind, I look forward to our competitive games every holiday season with my in-laws.  It is SO fun.  Actually, it is SO fun only when I'm not loosing.  Pictionary is usually our game of choice, and I rock at drawing.  My penmanship could use some work, but my drawing abilities border's on the precision and detail of Mr. Leonardo Da Vinci.  I know I know...is there anything I CAN'T do?  Reach items on high shelves without a ladder? Well, there you go.

Anyways, Pictionary at the in-laws is something of a tradition during the holidays and what makes it so fun is everyone is super competitive.  We will stay up to the wee hours of the morning, drinking beer (or whatever booze is available), furiously drawing as fast as our little fingers can go, and occasionally strolling into the kitchen to make a midnight snack of delicious holiday leftovers (did I mention my Mother In-Law is an AMAZING cook?  Cause she is).

I am so in love with the holidays and the joyous festivities that bring out the best in each other.  It really is all about family and friends during the holiday season...