Several years ago, my sweet sweet angel pie baby boy Walter went missing.
I don't want to say he ran away from home, so I tell everyone he went to Vegas and didn't tell me about it, because, you know, what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas, except for herpes.
But he did, and I was devastated for an entire week, until that following Sunday when our neighbors saw him running through their backyard. He was running home to us. And when I saw him, I grabbed him and burst into tears. And then I immediately got him water and food, because he was emaciated. After an emergency visit to the vet where they noted he lost 8lbs (p.s. wish I could loose that much weight in one week) they gave him some fluids and sent him home with me.
So what does an elated cat mother do when her son comes home? Buys gifts of course! I assume I will be the type of parent who bribes my children to do good things, much like I bribe my cat to not run away, and my husband to never leave me. But that is neither here, nor there, and shut up all you judgemental dickwads.
SO....what is one thing that every cat in the world wants besides catnip and treats?
Their very own fish.
So I bought a beta fish, a gorgeous purple and blue fish that I put in a square plastic container (with lid, duh) and placed it in the extra bathroom, where Walter liked to sit and stare at himself in the mirror. I mean, could you blame him?
Anyways....so I gave him the bribe and then the following week the ol' ball and chain and I went on vacation. My Mom was taking care of the kids while we were out basking in the sun and doing a whole bunch of nothing.
Upon our return my Mom asked me, "hey I was cleaning up around the house...what is the plastic box on the bathroom floor? There was a whole bunch of water everywhere so I mopped it up and put the box in the cabinet under the sink."
I cautiously replied, "uhh....where was the fish?"
Mom said, "What fish?"
"The fish that I bought Walter to bribe him to stay home with me and never leave me, where was it?"
Mom gasps, "There was a fish in there??! Jenn, there was nothing there."
I reply, "Aww crap, Walter ate him!"
I then proceeded to punish my son with lots of hugs and kisses and treats because I missed my sweet precious angel pie when we were on vacation.
Who's Mommy's precious precious baby boy???