Though Halloween is my husband's second favorite holiday (after Thanksgiving, obviously), we rarely get to hand out candy to trick-or-treater's where we live.
Our home is amazing, and we love living by the beach, and everyone, though super kind, just sort of keeps to themselves.
There are also no sidewalks on our street. No street lights either. And, well, no children.
So every year, in a vain attempt to be prepared for Halloween, we buy a Costco size bag of candy. And every year, we have a Costco size bag of candy leftover. As someone who is not particularly fond of candy, this poses no problem for me. Now if we handed out hot-dogs though, we would have major problems in the obesity department. Then again, who the hell hands out hot-dogs on Halloween and WHERE DO THEY LIVE????
Anyway, this year, we decided not to buy candy and, of course, we got kids coming down our street trick-or-treating. Shit. The hubby was out picking up our pizza for the evening, and I was plum out of ideas as to what to give these kids.
Sephora moisturizer samples? No.
Trial size bottles of soap from our travels? <Flu season is upon us, kids, wash up!> No.
Tiny and used cat toys? No.
Clothes I don't want? This isn't the Salvation Army.
Milk bones? Maybe.
So I did what any unprepared prick does. I turned off all the lights, shut the door, and hid.
Hubby came home with the pizza, and jovially announced that he also picked up some candy and Nutter Butters, because, "if there's leftovers, they're mine!"
As I opened the paper bag full of candy goodness, I noticed that all of the candy's were individually wrapped. As if they came out of a large Costco size bag.
"Hun? Did this candy come from the AM-PM?"
"Nooooo......they had a large bowl of candy at the pizza place, so I asked if I could have some and I grabbed a whole bunch."
"What? I asked first."
This is not the first time he has done this. One year, he walked around his office, and grabbed one handful from each bowl of candy that he saw. This is what happens when you combine cheap with lazy. He'll call it efficient.
Only four kids showed up after he looted the pizza place, and the next morning, I looked into the bag of candy, and only found one unopened package of Nutter Butters.
It totally explains how he had so much energy to sing, and act out, every musical number in the Rocky Horror Picture Show that night.