Everybody Farts

I'm what some people may refer to as a "gym rat".

However since I am not particularly fond of rats, I'm going to now refer to myself as a "gym buff". It's an appropriate moniker if you have seen me flex, and honestly, who hasn't.  I am quite ripped. But alas, this is not what this post is about (even though it should be).

I have this unfortunate issue of eating beans for lunch on randomly during the week. To the average person, you may see nothing wrong with this. To the others who know me and my love of squats (have you seen my ass??) they see the catastrophic sequence of events. 

Eat beans at lunch + heavy squats = Thunderous farting

I have gas, deal with it. I can't help it, it's just how my body works. My sister seems to think it is "controllable", and maybe it is, seeing that I have never EVER heard her fart.

Burp, yes.  Fart, no.  Not ever. 

Anyways, several summers ago when Rob was out here between spring and fall quarters, we would frequent the gym together. It was nice to have a partner to push you and talk with about catty girls in too-tight thongs. It wasn't so nice when said partner pointed out your, ahem, bodily functions for everyone to know it was:YOU, THE SHORT ONE WITH BLACK PANTS ON! HER! THE ONE WITH HER HEAD DOWN IN SHAME! 


After a rigorous workout in kickboxing with my then-boyfriend-now-shackled-and-chained-soul-mate, it was time to stretch. It was also time to release, ever so quietly, a little too-too (this was the term used to describe the passing of gas, I couldn't say fart until I was around 20 years old, and even then my Mother threw shade).

Unfortunately, it wasn't so quite. It sounded like a French Horn way off key. And at that precise moment when I verified my presence in class with my gas, my beloved looked over at me and started smiling and then laughing. Couldn't he have pretended to not hear it? Couldn't he have acted like it was someone else? Couldn't the drone of KISS just keep rockin’ on all night and partying everyday??!!

NO! He wanted, neh, NEEDED, to let everyone know that the sound they just heard came from HIS girlfriend. HIS sexy lady. HIS soon-to-be ex-girlfriend.

In any case, I'm trying to cease my ingestion of beans at lunch. But sometimes, you just need a Sergio’s delicious re-fried beans from the cafeteria at work.